Choose a Happy Ending

My babies are embarking on big adventures.

My baby girl starts a Mother's Day Out program later this month. My son starts preschool.  They both have wonderful teachers. And I'm so thankful.

And terrified. Because I fear my beautiful, spirited, smart, self-assured girl might encounter someone in the world who might tell her she's not those things.

I fear my son's love for life and curiosity for how things work may be dampened with rules.

We watched Cinderella recently.  Alexandra loves anything "pletty," so the movie dazzled her. She oohed and aahed. Max squealed when the sparkles began. "It's magic! Look, it's magic!"  For days afterward, Alexandra convinced anyone nearby to try a shoe, any shoe, on her foot. Max decided we needed magic wands.

They loved the beauty of the movie. I loved that Cinderella was kind and brave and found friends in those whom many overlook.   She didn't let her stepsisters and stepmother define her. She knew who she was. And without her spunk she'd never have escaped the prison other women created for her.

Likewise, my children are strong and stubborn. I want them to know how I admire that in them. They'll need those traits as they go into the world.

Because, sometimes, strangers, acquaintances, and even those one cares about say things that hurt.

I had three specific examples of instances when people had hurt me, but I deleted them.  There's no need to put mean words back out there.  (There's enough of that in the world--and especially on social media.) These same people said nice things about me, too. But years later, I still remember the time and place of each of these instances and can't recall a specific compliment. As ridiculous as they were, these mean statements became part of how I defined myself because I assumed that's how others saw me. But the problem is that I let someone else change how I saw myself.
 These statements were said as if how I was made was wrong.

And that's not right.

My children will face ogres and monsters and witches masquerading as people--and even friends.  And I hope they possess enough of the magic we call love to acknowledge that true beauty comes from within and that love of self is very powerful magic indeed.

I know life isn't a fairy tale.  But I want it to be.

My grandmother taught me long ago that the happily ever after doesn't lie in the hands of fate.  A person writes his or her own happy ending. One first must choose it to be so. When one experiences conflict, happiness must again be chosen.  Every person is perfect in his or her own way, and children deserve to feel that way.  Every boy deserves to feel the devotion of a princess. Every girl deserves a prince charming who will rescue and protect her--even if it's only from herself.

I know happily ever after isn't a reality for everyone. But it should be.

I hope my precious children know that.


 ****

Just this week, a collection of links to articles popped up on my friends' Facebook pages that inspired this blog.  I've posted links below. 

Unhappily ever After--a group of satirical(?) pictures of fairy tale princesses after they've married their princes.

An Open Letter to Kate Middleton--encouraging words to moms and their bodies

Thigh Gap--apparently, it's the hottest trend for starting school

How to Talk to Your Daughter about her body--I disagree with some of this article, but like most of it. For example, I think it's okay to tell my daughter she's beautiful. 

*Added 8-10* The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up: I forgot to add this one and it is so important to remember, especially now that school is starting.

 Words are powerful. Choose wisely.

Summer Salads: Shel Harrington

My friend and fellow Inkling Shel Harrington is at the party today.

 

My own grandma regularly served a version of this magical goodness, and I'm pretty sure I've had the meal Shel describes in the Magical Meal portion.  This sweet concoction makes me nostalgic for family gatherings of yesteryear, which is fitting because Shel believes in traditional family values.  By day Shel is many things. One of them is a divorce lawyer--who doesn't like divorce.

If you are in any stage of a relationship, check out her blog.  She offers sage relationship advice with a dash of humor, compassion...and attitude.

But first, whip up her recipe. It won't take long!

Shel Harrington's Peach Fluff

This picnic-worthy salad is a blast from my past. With only four ingredients, it can be whipped up and ready to contribute to that potluck in minutes. This is my “you need it by when???” salad.

             

The ingredients are so accessible that even in a pinch I know I’ll be able to find everything at the local grocery store in my small town. Here’s the list:

 

                        16 oz. Cool Whip                       

                        4 cups cottage cheese

                        Large box of peach Jello

                        Large can (or two small) sliced peaches, drained

(reserve 5 slices for decoration, dice up remaining slices)

Step 1

In an electric mixer, mix the cottage cheese, Jello, and diced peaches until the jello powder is thoroughly blended (it won’t be smooth).

Step 2

            Fold in the Cool Whip.

Step 3

Scoop your lovely concoction into a serving container and garnish with a peach-slice flower. (I added a blackberry center)

I told you it was easy!

Complete Magical Meal Suggestion

For a magical meal, step back in time with grandma’s fried chicken, potato salad with crunchy celery, and deviled eggs to compliment your fluff. Finish off the meal with bite-size brownies or homemade cookies for a taste of chocolate. What to drink? Sparkling cider is a festive family-friendly beverage choice reminiscent of days gone by. The over 21-crowd might may prefer a fun-flavored hard lemonade.  

Special Tricks
In addition to being tasty and quick, this salad is versatile. If you are serving a small group, you can use the smaller sized Cool Whip, Jello, and cottage cheese (but stick with the larger sized peaches so that you have enough slices for your garnish). Fun alternatives include using fresh peaches when in season and experimenting with different combinations of jello flavors and complimentary fruits (how about mixed berry Jello with blueberries?).

Whether contributing to a potluck, entertaining guests, or whipping up a meal for the family, this light tasty salad fills the bill and transports you back to a simpler time.

Summer Salad: Heather Davis

Guess who is at our virtual potluck today, ya'll?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minivan Momma is in the house! Heather Davis is the award winning author of 

the TMI Mom humor series.

     

She's partied with Dr. Oz, so I feel extra fancy that she's hanging out with us.
You may know her as one of the leaders of Oklahoma Women Bloggers as well
as one of the talented producers from the Listen to Your Mother Show in Oklahoma City.
Watch her video here.



How does she accomplish everything?  Stick around the party, because she's sharing
some of her magic tricks.

***

I found myself awake at 3:00am (that's the morning, y'all) just knowing I had

forgotten something. I just knew it, but I didn't know what it was. Later that 

same morning, when we were trying to get out the door on time, I remembered. 
I had to take a salad to work for a luncheon. I could have stopped by Hellmart 
on my way to work, but I really didn't have the time or the desire to do that.

I opened up my fridge and contemplated dousing the head of lettuce with ranch 
dressing and Parmesan cheese, but I was afraid of the lawsuit, because the lettuce 
was limpy and the Parmesan was putrid.

I perused the panty not really sure what I would find. I felt the spirit of Julia Child 
enter into my soul as I glanced at three cans of beans. Within five minutes I had what 
I now call the "Oh Crap! I Forgot! Salad."And at the end of the luncheon, I had an 
empty bowl to take home. What do ya know? I pulled it out just in time.




 Oh Crap! I Forgot! Salad

Three cans of beans, any kind, drained and rinsed. (My favorites are black 
 eyed peas, garbanzo beans and kidney beans. But, I've made it with chili 
beans, black beans, purple hull beans. I'm pretty sure re-fried beans would not 
work, though. Pretty sure.)

One purple onion, diced or sliced. (How much time you actually have when you 
remember that you forgot will determine how fancy you cut up your onion.)

Half a cup of Italian dressing. (Truthfully, I don't have a clue as to whether
or not it's a half cup or three-quarters of a cup. I never measure. I just pour, 
cover and shake.)

When all of your ingredients are in your salad bowl, stir well. Or put a lid 
on the bowl and shake well.

This does well when you have an hour or two to refrigerate it. It'll last for 
three days if you make it for your family and they refuse to eat beans.

Happy Birthday, Brother

My brother had rules.
1.  Don't hug him.
2.  Don't go in his room.
3.  Don't touch anything if he allows me in said room. (His dog Yoda could drool on his pillow, but if I so much as wrinkled the comforter, I apparently left my inherently offensive sister-smell on it.)
4. Do what he says. 

He reinforced his views with backup.
Mooooom! Tell her to stop singing at the table.
Mooooom! Make her sit with her legs together.
Mooooom! She has milk-breath. (Again, the dog?)

Even then, I suspected Brett loved me.  After all, he loved his dog.  And he called me a dog so often that in the first grade I barked and walked on all-fours at school for a period of time. 

photo credit: Martha Bryant                                Disney World

As if my sheer existence wasn't embarrassing enough for a brother five years older than the little sister who idolized him, it would seem that having a dog for a sibling would push him over the edge.

It didn't.

He was too cool for that. We watched Empire Strikes Back for his 10th birthday. I've been a scifi geek--if mostly closeted--ever since.  He gave me Madonna's True Blue tape.  I memorized every word. One of my favorite memories is us blowing up his models in the field behind our house while filming it. It's no surprise I wanted to create a story to accompany the explosions, but he was the special effects guy and had no time for his little sister's nonsense.

As an adult, he put a poster of a monkey in his classroom and told his students it was a picture of his sister.  When visiting him once, a child ran up and hugged him around his kneecaps (my brother is 6'2").  Brett introduced me as his sister.  The kid's eyes widened and he whispered. "She doesn't look like her picture!"

That's when I found out I had been promoted from canine to primate.

I should not have felt as happy as I did.

In addition to being older, and therefore cooler, Brett was good at stuff I was not. Probably our biggest scholastic difference is his scientific mind. I signed up for an astronomy class in college, thinking it was astrology.  Brett became a science teacher.  One of my biology teachers accused me of asking "stupid questions" as a joke.  Another student came to my "defense" and informed her that, no, I really was that bad in science.  Such an event never happened to my brother. He created spectacular science projects.  The science fair filled me with dread, but it lit him with excitement. Most of my projects were his ideas and simple--like making a compass by rubbing a needle against a magnet. I had no ideas of my own.

He's still teaching me.

Earlier this summer, he showed up at my house with shears.  Since he's all science-y, Mother Nature likes him. Plants wilt at the sight of me. Brett has a green thumb. Mine is black. 

Every once in a while, he beautifies my neglected yard.  Most recently, he brought reinforcements.  The whole family--okay, mostly Uncle Brett and Aunt Lisa--lopped limbs, trimmed bushes, and pulled weeds for an hour or so. I tried to guess where he would next tell me to clip, but I was always wrong. Of course. A beautiful lawn is a science.

Brett and Lisa in their backyard aka Eden

 A horsefly bit him that afternoon. He shrugged as blood dripped down his leg and went on clipping. If that had been me, I would have curled into the fetal position.

Still, it was . . . fun.  Usually, the surest way to get me to cuss is to do yard work, but with our families working together it was a garden party.  Maybe next time I'll have snacks and drinks. 

I'm not sure what motivates him to help us with our yard.  Maybe he recognizes my complete incompetence with all things green.  Maybe he feels sorry for plants who can't cry as my children do to complain of thirst. Maybe he's embarrassed by how sad our lawn looks and that people know we're related.  Maybe he is just super generous and knows it makes me happy.

Whatever the reason... it really, really does make me happy. Like getting that Madonna cassette or being allowed to cross the threshold of his room and play Atari.  I looked at my front yard this morning and sighed. It was pretty. I felt cool.

And I was so glad my little ones witnessed siblings as friends who know their siblings' greatest weaknesses and faults. And they help make them right with the world.  I tried to drive the point home with my son. "Isn't it nice of Uncle Brett and Aunt Lisa to come help us?"

Max nodded. "That's what brothers do."

Indeed.

That, and compare their little sisters to animals.

photo credit: Martha Bryant

Happy birthday, Brett the Brat.


Anyone have a sibling story to share?  How does your sibling help balance you?

Camping Round Up

Are you a happy camper?

 

This post explains how I avoid tent camping with my babies.

This one indicates I do enjoy the great outdoors.

Posts like this one about the Inklings and this one about the Red Tent Sisterhood show I'm not totally opposed to camping within walls. And with air conditioning.

Have you seen my post on Oklahoma Women Bloggers today? I shared my guide on how to glamp.

What do you think about camping? What about glamping? Where is your favorite spot to camp/glamp?

Summer Salads: Kelly Bristow

Mississippi Cornbread Salad

1 (8 oz.) container of sour cream

1 (8½ oz.) box of Jiffy cornbread mix

1 (1 oz.) envelope of Hidden Valley Buttermilk Ranch mix

1 cup mayonnaise

1 ½ large tomatoes, chopped

¼ cup chopped red bell pepper

½ cup chopped yellow pepper

¾ cup chopped green onions

1 (16 oz.) can Ranch Style Beans, drained

1 (15¼ oz.) can whole kernel corn, drained. Save the water.

2 cups (8 oz.) cheddar cheese, grated

10 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled

Prepare cornbread mix according to package directions; cool. Stir together salad dressing, sour cream, and mayonnaise until blended; set aside. Rinse the beans with the water from the corn and let drain. Combine tomatoes and next 3 ingredients; gently toss.

Crumble 1/3 the cornbread into a 2 quart trifle bowl or salad bowl. Top with half the ingredients in this order: beans, tomato mixture, cheese, bacon, corn, and dressing mixture. Repeat layers. Top with the remaining cornbread. Cover and chill 3 hours.

Makes 6-8 servings (if served as a meal)

Magical Meal Suggestion

The magic of Mississippi Cornbread Salad lies in its versatility, its ability to be either a main or side dish. If you choose to serve it as the main dish, pair it with a crunchier side: carrot sticks or a spinach or lettuce salad with a lite vinaigrette dressing. If you serve it as a side, couple it with grilled or baked chicken.

Continue the enchantment by serving this salad with iced tea or lemonade. Want a little more sparkle, serve Mississippi Cornbread Salad with Mike’s Hard Lemonade or a white wine.

   

The Red Tent Sisterhood

I'm a sucker for sisterhoods. There's just something magical about the bonds women form. Like spider webs, they appear delicate--but those intricacies create deceptive strength.

photo credit: Valarie Olson

As I sat in my kitchen with my new friend Valarie I discovered she felt the same way.  Somehow, the conversation came around to Anita Diamant's book The Red Tent. 

We love it.

Valarie and I are both fairly new to the area and discussed how we missed monthly gatherings of women--book club, writing group, etc. We discovered how similar we are to those ancient women in the novel who gathered beneath the moon each month in their red tent and relaxed, shared, and bonded.

Gaining strength from other women must be engrained in my DNA.

We decided to create our own Red Tent Sisterhood.  We knew we wanted to meet once a month... but doing what?  I wanted to involve food because something special happens when people break bread together. Valarie suggested we exercise.

Those of you who know me well can stop snickering.

I mean it.

Really? Now you're just being insulting.

Possessing many talents, Valarie is also a yoga instructor.  She teaches at 108 Yoga Studio, an amazing gem our mutual friend Libby Rogers opened several years ago. I've met so many nice ladies since I've moved here, and like that intricate spider web I mentioned earlier, somehow many of them are connected to the studio.

And that realization was it.  On the last Monday of every month, we planned to meet for yoga and dinner. We mentioned it to friends who mentioned it to their friends.  I think the first text said something about inviting any woman who wants or needs a sisterhood. Our Red Tent Sisterhood was born. 

Libby loves glamping, so at our first dinner, she wrangled a bunch of us into her Girl Camp.

photo credit: Valarie Olson

 I was hesitant.  I mean, there would probably be bugs since outside is their house and all. I had several excuses--one of which was that Garrett was out of town on the weekend it was scheduled.

Others were completely excited.  Once Moria Kinsey mentioned costumes...well, I was in. That really should have been brought up first, right?  

photo credit: Valarie Olson

 The kids went on "vacation" with my parents and I made it to Girl Camp. And I'm so glad. Gratefully, we didn't have to sleep in non-air-conditioned red tents--but we were beneath the moon in our metaphorical red tent in spirit.

photo credit: Valarie Olson

Check me out on Oklahoma Women Bloggers this month. I'll tell you all about glamping at Girl Camp and how you can do it, too.