Sunday, March 28, 2010

Lemon Bombs

Paula Deen intended her recipe for lemon blossoms to look like this:

Instead, mine looked like this:
My husband says I should have my own cooking show/reality tv show called Cussing in the Kitchen. Later he decided it should be called Bitchin' in the Kitchen.

Just because it's true doesn't mean he has to say it. Not that I want him to lie.

Recipes. Now, they lie.

What the recipe said was "12 minute prep, 12 minute cook, 1 hour wait."
What the recipe should've said was, "You're not getting out of the kitchen for 3 1/2 hours."

Before I acquiesced to my mother's request to make these lemon blossoms for our writing tea tomorrow because she thought I'd "have fun," I wish I'd known what I was getting into. Admitedly, I knew I wasn't going to have fun, but I didn't know how long this non-fun would last. I could tell her heart was set on them, though--she loves fruity cake desserts--and she gave me all the ingredients so I wouldn't have to brave the grocery store.

After an hour, I realized I'd only cooked 24 mini muffins and the recipe made 54. Note: recipe said to "pour" batter, but cake+pudding doesn't pour well. So, I whipped out some normal sized baking cups, scooped that batter in those big boys and threw out the rest of the thick yellow goo.

The new recipe produced these:

When removing the cakes from the oven, I learned my oven mitt had a huge hole in an important location. I promptly tossed the mitt in the garbage and slathered my finger with aloe vera.

And then I made the icing.

Although I was told all ingredients were in the bag, they were not. The only lemon juice was in the lemon. Even after I enlisted my hubby's help, we weren't able to squeeze 3/4 cup of juice out of that hard, yellow ball. And, yes, I know the trick about putting it in the microwave. It didn't work.

I haven't seen my sugar sifter in two years and two moves 'cross country. The confectioner's sugar was supposed to be sifted. I dealt with it. I threw out the half of the sugar that didn't get wet from lemon juice and mixed it with a fork. I think "lemon zest" is the rind off the lemon. If not, it will give everyone something to chew on.

For part of my culinary adventure, my husband escaped with my son to the grocery store where he bought a chocolate cheesecake. I'll take that for bakery back-up.

I saw a blog today where a woman threw a party using Little Debbie snack cakes stuck on sticks to look fancy. Maybe I should do that next time.


  1. Oh my! What an "adventure"! I bet they taste amazing, though. Did you have fun at your writing tea? Oh, and tell your mom she needs to make announcements when she wins writing awards!

  2. Well... it involved a critique group and Harney and Sons. OF COURSE we had a good time! Wish you could have been there.

    You're right about my mom needing to announce about awards. Everyone should announce so we can share on celebration. And on that note, check out the nominees for the Oklahoma Book Award, and see if you recognize anyone in the poetry category.