I suppose it makes sense that my brain turns off when asked to recall our struggle with infertility. It was an emotional experience in which I simultaneously battled my body and the cosmos. Answers, logic, and reason never applied.
"I don't think you can ever get pregnant," the doctors said.
"Genetic abnormality is the only explanation for the miscarriage," the doctors said.
"Circumstances were ideal for the transfer. We don't know why it didn't work," the doctors said.
Every menstrual period was an exclamation point on the end of our painful infertility sentence, rudely interrupting our hope.
Like many couples, we kept the secret for a long time, but last year, I shared it with anyone who was interested. You can click the video below to watch Step Right Up to the Game of Love.
Listen to Your Mother OKC
This February, on the LTYM blog, I committed to a monthly post about infertility so that other women will know they aren't alone. This post is the first one.
I almost didn't follow through. However, three women in the last couple of months have reached out to me with their struggles. After all that's happened, I still believe in signs. And I think these women were nudging me to be vocal for all of those who are searching the internet for someone else who might understand the crushing, painful, exhausting confusion of infertility.
My purpose is to give strength to those who are Parents-in-Waiting. You are not alone. Your story is unique. Each journey is your own. However, the desire to count ten tiny, perfect fingers and ten tiny, perfect toes is a common one. Check back with me each month as I share part of my journey. I'll be brave for you because I know you are mustering bravery, too.
Your courage will help many people, thank you Brandi for agreeing to be so open about your private struggle.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your encouragement, Lisa. I truly hope my sharing can help someone.
DeleteOh Brandi I'm so glad you are doing this. I know so MANY who are struggling with infertility. And they feel so alone and and unprepared for the process. I know that they are searching for somone anyone who can be real and honest with what its like. And I know you are the woman to do it. THANK YOU FOR your heart to share your journey.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement, Suzanne. Please share with them. They are not alone. It's a lonely process, but they are not alone. And research has proven that the more support a couple receives, the better off they are in the long run. Thank you!
DeleteWell, I didn't want to be anonymous but apparently Google doesn't recognize me (Jeannie Hagy). Brandi, this is so touching. I'm sitting here crying at my computer. I know your story will help so many couples who are struggling with infertility, and it helps those of us who have not experienced this problem to understand more completely. Thank you so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jeannie. *handing you a tissue* I appreciate what you say about helping you "understand more completely." There are so many misconceptions (ha! pun on "conception").
DeleteBrandi, thank you. This made me feel that although I am hopelessly childless, love can still carry on with hope and compassion just because I can spend another day of life with the man I love. You are, as the first time I heard you present in 7th grade, an amazing speaker and you are an amazing person. Never change; grow, but don't change. Your thoughts are magic that the alchemy of writing changes to pure gold.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely sentiment! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Consider yourself hugged.
DeleteThat was really beautiful, Brandi. I'm sure your story will help many beyond what you may even know.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sara. I sure hope so.
DeleteI read anything I could get my hands on back then, but most of the information was in chat rooms--which I've never liked much. This is an option for someone like me who can find her way to read a blog.