Choose a Happy Ending

My babies are embarking on big adventures.

My baby girl starts a Mother's Day Out program later this month. My son starts preschool.  They both have wonderful teachers. And I'm so thankful.

And terrified. Because I fear my beautiful, spirited, smart, self-assured girl might encounter someone in the world who might tell her she's not those things.

I fear my son's love for life and curiosity for how things work may be dampened with rules.

We watched Cinderella recently.  Alexandra loves anything "pletty," so the movie dazzled her. She oohed and aahed. Max squealed when the sparkles began. "It's magic! Look, it's magic!"  For days afterward, Alexandra convinced anyone nearby to try a shoe, any shoe, on her foot. Max decided we needed magic wands.

They loved the beauty of the movie. I loved that Cinderella was kind and brave and found friends in those whom many overlook.   She didn't let her stepsisters and stepmother define her. She knew who she was. And without her spunk she'd never have escaped the prison other women created for her.

Likewise, my children are strong and stubborn. I want them to know how I admire that in them. They'll need those traits as they go into the world.

Because, sometimes, strangers, acquaintances, and even those one cares about say things that hurt.

I had three specific examples of instances when people had hurt me, but I deleted them.  There's no need to put mean words back out there.  (There's enough of that in the world--and especially on social media.) These same people said nice things about me, too. But years later, I still remember the time and place of each of these instances and can't recall a specific compliment. As ridiculous as they were, these mean statements became part of how I defined myself because I assumed that's how others saw me. But the problem is that I let someone else change how I saw myself.
 These statements were said as if how I was made was wrong.

And that's not right.

My children will face ogres and monsters and witches masquerading as people--and even friends.  And I hope they possess enough of the magic we call love to acknowledge that true beauty comes from within and that love of self is very powerful magic indeed.

I know life isn't a fairy tale.  But I want it to be.

My grandmother taught me long ago that the happily ever after doesn't lie in the hands of fate.  A person writes his or her own happy ending. One first must choose it to be so. When one experiences conflict, happiness must again be chosen.  Every person is perfect in his or her own way, and children deserve to feel that way.  Every boy deserves to feel the devotion of a princess. Every girl deserves a prince charming who will rescue and protect her--even if it's only from herself.

I know happily ever after isn't a reality for everyone. But it should be.

I hope my precious children know that.


 ****

Just this week, a collection of links to articles popped up on my friends' Facebook pages that inspired this blog.  I've posted links below. 

Unhappily ever After--a group of satirical(?) pictures of fairy tale princesses after they've married their princes.

An Open Letter to Kate Middleton--encouraging words to moms and their bodies

Thigh Gap--apparently, it's the hottest trend for starting school

How to Talk to Your Daughter about her body--I disagree with some of this article, but like most of it. For example, I think it's okay to tell my daughter she's beautiful. 

*Added 8-10* The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up: I forgot to add this one and it is so important to remember, especially now that school is starting.

 Words are powerful. Choose wisely.

The Magic of Independence

The instant I placed a tiara on Alexandra's head, Max was awestruck. "Ooooh. She needs a magic wand. She's a magical princess!"

He was a police man. In a construction hat. While I hunted for a wand, his plans for capturing trolls flowed quickly. He declared he would identify the bad trolls so Alexandra could capture them with her magic.

When we arrived at our playdate, she proved she had other plans.

She acquired a cool car...

 

...that she borrowed from her cute sidekick...

 

 ...and then she donned a mask.

Apparently, she was a super magical princess.

I like that she didn't let us define her. May she always be so brave.

Keeping it real: Even a super magical princess has to hydrate

Mommy Math

I need an ice cream cone.

Or a glass of whine wine.

Don't believe me?

Do the math:

toddler changing from two naps to one nap + Daylight Savings Time = preschooler raising eyebrows and saying with a grin, You're a funny mommy = (screaming + crying)baby/going for drive

Who needs a crib?

Listen to Your Mother

Last year I heard a lot of buzz about a show called Listen to Your Mother.  Some of my favorite bloggers participated in "giving Mother's Day a microphone." I didn't attend, but I checked out performance after performance online.

I submitted this year. It sounded so cool that I submitted two different essays to two different cities.  I haven't heard about the Oklahoma City show yet, but...

Guess who has a callback to the NW Arkansas show on Saturday? 

That's right.

Me.

I'm so excited to make the first cut.  It seems like a great opportunity to grab your favorite ladies and enjoy a night out.

Check out the website for a show near you.

Or in stolen moments, check out past performances here. 

Hopefully, I'll be able to share my story, too.

Step Right Up to the Game of Life

Life doesn't always play fair.

The way we deal with it makes us the people we are.

I'm not sure I've ever written about this topic publicly. 

But I share my story as a valentine to other couples who are playing the Carnival Game of Life...and think it might just be rigged against them.

Check out my story over at Oklahoma Women Bloggers today!

Pecking Order is for the Birds

Flocks of hens have one chicken in charge. When two flocks combine, they fight.  This is where the term "pecking order" originated.

Papa was concerned about his smallest hen from the old flock when he saw it fighting with the largest one in the new one.  He even rescued the little bird. Ultimately, he decided to let nature take its course.

The fight began again, and he learned something.

The little hen attacked the big one.

That fearless fowl jumped up and dangled from the others ears until it was tired. It nestled under the larger hens wings in bird-brained guerrilla warfare. Rested, it clamped onto the big wattle with its beak.

Later, Papa discovered the little hen bullying the second largest hen. Eventually, they established their pecking order with the smallest one in the hen house being in charge.

We've had a similar experience in our home recently.

Alexandra flung a place mat on the floor and refused to pick it up. Instead, she wanted me to pick her up.  She cried. She hung on my leg. It was pathetic.  I almost rescued her until she finally gave in and handed it to me.

Pecking order restored. 

I think.

A few days later, she pulled me out of my chair and came after me with an inflatable light saber.

"Tzzz. Tzzz. Tzzz."

She's never seen Star Wars, but the Force is strong in that one. 

Might I add that my son had drawn whiskers and a cat nose on my face at this point in the day? Don't judge me.  It filled time and was easier than telling them to stay out of my makeup.

Yeah, it's pretty clear where I am in the pecking order around here.

Fast Trikes and Hair Bows

Photograph courtesy of Alecia Mitchel Photography

Enjoying her fluffy hair bow and sassy boots, Alexandra toddled happily around Max's school when we dropped him off yesterday morning. 

I said, "Let me carry you up the stairs.  I don't think you can make it."

"Sure, I can." She lifted her tiny foot high in the air, pulled on my hand, and climbed the stairs.

Max's eyes were as wide as mine as we both laughed.  Not only did her speaking astonish us, but she'd spoken in a sentence!

Alas, this mama's heart wasn't done with surprises that morning.

The three year old class was playing outside as we left.  Most of the boys zipped around on tricycles.

Alexandra waved at them. 

One of the little boys removed his feet from the pedals to slow down. "Hi, cute baby."

My heart seized.

In a very short period of time, those trikes will be replaced with fast cars. 

Those beautiful, round faced boys will be handsome young men with muscles.

And my eager little girl who scampered away from my hand to clutch the fence just to be closer to them will be . . . a teenager.

For now, though, she still wants to triumph over walking up stairs while holding my hand.

I'll follow her lead and take it all one step at a time.

Cooking Up Toddler Vocab

My sweet little helper borrowed my apron to bake brownies with me.

Later, she demonstrated she can whip up toddler vocabulary in a jiffy.

Me: (trying to remove some dangerous object from the toddler's tiny, mighty grasp) No. Alexandra, don't do that.  No. (muttering) I swear the child doesn't know the meaning of the word.
Alexandra: (breaks into a sprint down the hallway)
Me: Alexandra, come here, please.
Alexandra: (calling out over her shoulder with a giggle) No!

Decked the Halls and Done with December

I am tuckered out.

I am thrilled the holiday season is over.  Sure, the tree is still lit, but 2012 is OVER. The advent calendar is boxed up and my insane collection of popsicle sticks listing "fun" family activities is tucked away until next December.

If every member of the family hadn't raced through Kleenex boxes and hacking coughs, the season might have been a little merrier.  Sleep does that, I hear. By holly or by jolly, we managed to make some memories, though.

We watched Christmas movies and read special books.  We piled into the car in our pajamas and looked at lights.  We decorated our own house.  On a personal note, I enjoyed my annual Inklings Christmas tea with my writing buddies and ran/walked a 5k with my hubby and friends.

Here are some highlights:

Christmas Parade
My parents parked their truck at a prime location about two hours before the parade began. How awesome are they?! We showed up with McDonald's (don't judge me) and had a picnic right in the bed of their truck as we waited. The kids were joy incarnate.

School Christmas Program
The program is a testimony to the teachers' amazing creativity and patience.  Look at his cute Christmas tree shirt! Each child in that school wore a hand made shirt and sang carols.  Just thinking about the process gives me the urge to wash the inevitable paint out of my hair. Aside from the fact they're wonderful teachers who love our kids, I obviously love those ladies because they create Pinterest crafts with my boy...so I don't have to.

Gingerbread House
The grands all visited and--partially against their will--helped Max decorate his first gingerbread house.  My mom (we are so similar) came up with the idea of putting pins in the cookies to make the house stay together. Yeah, um, who needs icing? Let's place an emergency room visit in a baked good. Garrett's mom stuck with Max until the powdered sugar snow fell...everywhere. Grandma Celeste had the good sense to stay out of the mess and just laugh.

The Grands and Max with the gingerbread house

Visit Santa
I'd heard the North Pole can be a nightmare.

But I tried to prepare.

In the past, we visited Santa during the week. This year, the weekend was our only option. I called and asked when Santa arrived. She told me noon. Guess what? We drove the 45 minutes and showed up at 11:30 to wait in line.  Then we were assigned a ticket to return at 1 to wait in line again. We found out the jolly old elf had been accepting visiors since 9 AM.

I almost made the naughty list.

We gave the kids a lunch of cookies. We waited patiently to play with remote control cars.

We camped out at the North Pole until our appointment.  Alexandra even kept a bow in her hair just for the big guy. She was extremely excited to see him....until she wasn't.

In all the chaos of the season,  I managed to get out a few Christmas cards. They looked something like this:

The Barnetts--Keeping the happy in the holidays!

 I'm not sure who I sent the cards, though. I had a list, but then I found another list after they were mailed.  I had some cards left over and can't figure out who I missed. And I may have sent some twice. So, friends, Merry Christmas. You may remember the Christmas Card Picture Debacle of 2011.  I vow to be more organized in 2013.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Cookies for Santa
Max has never seen the movie that made this pose famous. He was simply excited.

 He couldn't wait for the guy to come down the chimney.


Alexandra, on the other hand, was asleep before we set out the fudge and strawberry cookies.

Christmas Day
We hosted 34 family members on Christmas day.  Yes. You read that correctly.  It was a wonderful combination of family from all sides.

 

I made the dressing I mentioned here. The next day,  I found missing ingredients in the fridge *head thunk*... so I made another tastier batch.   Volunteers contributed to the meal. Because I crave organization and To make the drop-off easier, I even made name tags for everyone to place their food.  This was Garrett's idea of joke:

Throw a Snowball
The next day it snowed enough to delight a preschooler.

 
Happy New Year!
The four of us rang in 2013 with champagne and sparkling apple juice, silly hats and noisemakers...at 7:30 PM. 

I mean, really, it's lucky we lasted that long.

Deer me

It isn't hunting season that has these deer down.

Nope. It's exhausted homeowners. And wind. And rain.

And, well, maybe embarrassment.

The buck has been unable to stay up since we found the two does mounted one morning.

Good Samaritans have tried to erect the deer on various occasions, but the wire beasts continue to be found moping on the ground.

The other day, a couple we'd just met informed us we are the "Dead Deer" house. Ho ho no!

I feel guilty for writing this post  about holiday decor back in 2008 BC (Before Children). I didn't realize the homeowners were probably too busy saying things like "Take that golf club out of your ear!" and "Get your finger out of your sister's nose!" to their own little elves to care two antlers about reindeer on the lawn.

Any holiday decor is a testimony to the holidays that someone cared enough to haul the electrical nightmares out of storage.

Next year, those deer are hibernating.

Friday Favorite: Celebrate Society Shirts

Everyone possesses talent.  How one uses it makes all the difference.

When Jennifer Laws was in the hospital with her newborn twins and planning their future parties, her mind wandered to other babies in the world who were not born into such happy circumstances. Recently, she decided to use her party skills to make a difference.

Thanks to Jennifer, children who are in a local emergency shelter on their birthday will get the regulation cake from the kitchen--and they will also get a "party in a bag."  It's a kit she created that helps each child, when surrounded by strangers on the anniversary of his or her birth, understand that someone knows their existence is worth celebrating.

I love this idea almost as much as I love Jennifer's heart.

Want to know how to help?

She's funding this endeavor by creating designs that you can buy at her etsy shop. 

 

Print and iron the design yourself or pay a little more for her to create the whole shirt.

What a simple way to celebrate your little ones and help celebrate another child as well!

Any day decals:

birthday party decals:

and check out these adorable Halloween decals--just perfect for a t-shirt or treat bag:

 
Last month I witnessed the giddiness that is Jennifer on the morning of her sons' birthday party. "I love party day," she said, practically bouncing with joy. "This must be what Lebron James feels like on game day!"

Pretty accurate comparison.

Maxisms

Our week was full of Maxisms. Here are a few:

Monday:
The boy child had been ornery all day. Frustrated, I asked, "Who are you?"
He said, "Maximus the Magnificent."
Hmmm. I'm sure this all might be connected.

Tuesday:
Max: Did you see Miss Bri's dress? It was pretty, pretty, pretty.
Me: Did you tell her?
Max: NO! (grinning and nodding knowingly) I want it to be a surprise.

Saturday: 
Max: EW! What's that smell?
Me: Steamed broccoli.
Max: It smells like Elmo poop.

Sunday:
Max: Mom, you're a princess. I'm going to buy you a crown.  A crown you put on your head, not the kind you draw with.
Me: (privately to confused hubby) Crayon. He's speaking with an accent.

Mommy Monday: Hospitality vs. Cannibalism

I heard that therapists have children use puppets to work out their feelings.  Maybe my kids are telling me to improve my cooking. What do you think?

Max: Would you like something to eat, Mr. Dinosaur and Leo?
Leo: Do you have people toes? I loooove people toes. (he nibbles on Alexandra's baby feet)
Max: You can't eat toes, Leo! (pauses, then moves to mini kitchen and opens fridge) But I have dead people's toes. They're good.  You can have them with ketchup.

Yes, because ketchup covers a multitude of culinary sins.

Mommy Monday: Meet Ashley

I met Ashley at a playgroup, but I've grown to know her by reading her blog. 

Her entries make my heart feel good.

She refers to various shindigs as "little" parties.Understatement alert! Some of the details make my heart pitter patter. Check out a few of my favorites:

• The Princess and the Pea baby shower tempts me to have another baby. I'm soooo just kidding.
• The birthday garden party. (I try to remind myself she's talented and that I'm not a slacker mom when I see that one.) 
• Her "cheesy" Valentine's Day party demonstrates one can even personalize at a kid zone.
• A series of St. Patrick's Day ideas are on the site, but this one first captured my attention. 
• As a gal from Kentucky, she knows how to celebrate the Kentucky Derby, complete with stick horses for the wee riders. 

I could go on and on, but who has time for that? Just go to her playgroup tags and you'll find the most amazing group of celebrations.

And you get the sense that she does it all out of love.  Her family has so much love that they've chosen to adopt another member.

I may have been drawn to the sparkly fun, but her heart is all over this blog.

The most recent party celebrates the first birthday of the daughter they've not yet held in their arms.   Big Sister wanted to have a party for Shi Si, or Sissy, even though they can't be with her yet.

They're on an incredible journey. Read here about seeing the first picture and a special calling  and postal progress.

I hope by sharing her blogs, I've helped make your heart feel good, too.

Alexandra's World vs. Christina's World

Alexandra experience grass for the first time recently. After luxuriating in the texture, she looked longingly at her brother, scampering about the lawn.

 

 Andrew Wyeth's Christina's World immediately came to mind.

Christina's World is in the style of magic realism. Something about my kids that day made me feel they were, too.

Magic Monday: Lucky Charm

  I completed Lucky Charm, my second young adult novel a year and a half ago.  And I couldn't stop tweaking it. Granted, that whole morning sickness and giving birth thing was time consuming, but I wouldn't let go of the manuscript.

Until now.

The cosmos spoke to me.

My novel has two key images--rose rocks and shamrocks.

Yesterday, my family helped my grandmother clean out her garage. Not knowing a thing about my novel, she gave me this:

Afterward, we went to the lake. My son and I were walking along when he said, "Mom! I have to show you something." He claimed he'd seen a roly-poly and pointed at the ground.  Right beside his imaginary crustacean was this:

Okay, Universe. I'm listening.

Who says "bootie" anyway?

Who says bootie besides rap artists and pirates?

My son.

These days, anything is cool when paired with the word head.  Bootie head. Broccoli head. Elmo head.

Giggles abound when potty talk rules. Bootiedootiepoopoopeepeebutt. Head.

You get the picture.

I hear he's hilarious with the preschool set.

We attended a birthday party recently. Fun was had by all. As the party began to wind down, I noticed our guy pick up pebbles and throw them into the street.  I warned him not to do it again. He looked at me, grabbed a handful and threw.

With great sadness (not even faked because I had to set aside my half-consumed, icy adult beverage), I said, "Uh-oh. Now we have to leave."

We tried to remove him from the scene as quickly as possible.The hubs and I swung into leaving mode while our son threw his body into a series of contortions any yogi would envy.

For his grand finale, he threw back his head and screamed, "I'm not going anywhere, Bootie Head!"

I called in the muscle (aka Dad).  He scooped him up and took him to the car.

The baby girl considered it great entertainment. I'm sure some of the other witnesses did, too. They were glad it was us and not them.

Bootie Head?

Argh!

Boogie Days

"Oh my gosh." I looked around the waiting room for a tissue. "Is that a booger on your finger?"

Indignant, Max said, "It's not." He cocked his head and grinned. Then he repeated the words to sound like it's snot.

I peer closer to study his finger. We'd had days of fever so, when you add the sleep deprivation, it makes perfect and complete sense I was concerned he'd developed a growth. "What is it then?" I wondered aloud.

He happily thrust his finger into my face. "It's a dried booger!"

Ew.

My warning that nose goblins would bite off his fingers didn't work. Once he realized he kept all his fingers, he decided those nose goblins were dumb.  So...

How do you keep your kids' fingers out of their noses?

Happy 1/2 birthday to me!

 Hi.

You may have heard...

It's my 1/2 birthday.

Really, it is. 

No, YOU look fabulous.

In the last six months, I've mastered a plethora of activities. May I demonstrate the Sit Up and Wave?

 

Allow me to show you the Backward Crawl.

So, did I mention it's my 1/2 birthday...

...and that I like jewelry?

 Is that too forward?

 

Oopsie.

 

Let's party!

 

Note: this photo shoot would not have been possible without the amazing hair and makeup team of Maximus Hair and Makeup. Beauty can be a painful process--as the photo shows.